Saturday, 25 April 2015


We never hear of Svayam-vadhu,” but scriptures do discuss, “Svayama vara.”  Svayam vara means choosing one’s husband.  It is the choice of a marriageable girl.  Vadhu means bride.  Why are Indian traditional scriptures different from what the prevalent custom is of parent choosing a husband for their daughter?
Girls are extremely conscious of their stable future. A man who can provide for their daily needs, show concern and affection, and has the facility for doing this for  the rest of his life, becomes a natural choice. The ability to judge men is better in women than a man’s ability to judge women.
Rukmini, when she was being forced to marry Shisupala, the prince of Chedi Kingdom by her brother Rukmi, she vehemently disagreed. Her family was forcing  her and she took the decisioin of writing to Sri Krishna to save herself and feel protected under Sri Krishna. She was successful in convincing Sri Krishna in kidnapping her.
Draupadi, who was born to be married to Arjuna, developed a strong desire to marry him. Karna came to the marriage place and was about to shoot the target, so that he could get his hands on Draupadi but  Draupadi, said she would not marry one who was not from her status. Draupadi was clear about wanting to marry Arjuna .
Subhadra, who was  the sister of Sri Krishna was about to be married to Duryodhana, but she choose with the help of her brother Krishna to marry Arjuna.  Most of these men responded to the call of such bold and sensitive ladies. They remained chaste and loyal to their husband.
On other hand when Amba, Ambalika and Ambika were lifted by Bhisma, for his brother Vichitravirya, their life became  disturbed. Amba suffered a lot and became revengeful.
Therefore the Vedic scriptures discuss many different kinds of marriages. Unfortunately presently the concept of marriage is not studied, but it is simply performed gorgeously.  Some believe marriage is a contract and so there is no commitment.  In vedic litreture marriage is considered to be a sacred act, so both parties  take the responsibility to make it happen and work. Some scriptures believe that husband and wife will continue to remain partners for seven life times.
 A woman's role in making a marriage successful is a responsibility and she gets a large amount of credit for the same. It is hence natural that a woman chose her husband and consulted and discussed with her parents.
Where did such choices disappear? How did the members of society start deciding whimsically in the name of tradition, while giving up the foundation of tradition which is the scriptural understanding.
It is the combination of freedom of choice and dialogue with superiors, who are actually superiors because they have heard about tradition, such people come together and make a decision.

1 comment:

  1. Excellent explaination. But one question remains aboutn Amba, she also wanted to marry a husband of her choice.....and that was as per your discussion above. Can you clarify please?